What do you make of this song I wrote?

Not too long ago, a friend and I had a little discussion about forming some sort of amateur hardcore punk/metal band with some other randoms. We'd agreed that if we were to do it, I'd have some kind of vocal role and I've been learning to do power chords on the guitar, he'd do the drums and we'd rope in some other guys to do the bass and maybe another guitar. He also said that he'd wrote a couple of songs of his own. So I had the idea that I'd go off and make up a song.

I need opinions, would this song work for hardcore punk/metal music? Here goes:
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Onwards to War– Written by Richard Bartlett

Backstory: Song depicts the journey that a great leader takes into the fires of hell with his legions of warriors to battle the entity that is death.

VERSE1
(sing) I hold the power, I am the force,
I command the evil on our journey into hell,
(shout) Light the fuse, I’m a rocket and I’m ready to go.
(instrumental)

VERSE2
(sing) Darkness rules the night, death’s on its way,
He stalks this barren land, his hunger drives him on,
(shout) So beware of the time when he comes for you.
(instrumental)

CHORUS1
(sing) We see the light,
He’s in our sight,
Our legions braced,
(shout) Onwards to war!
(instrumental)

VERSE3
(sing) Blades shine with fire, we show no fear,
His bloodshot eyes watch on as we bring destruction (yeah)!
(shout) Give the cry as we fight for the glory tonight!
(instrumental)

VERSE4
(sing) I ride my steed, into the flames of war,
I show no mercy as I strike my enemies down,
(shout) Take the chance and be ready when the time is near.
(instrumental)

CHORUS2
(sing) Now hear my call,
Today you fall,
Our legions braced,
(shout) Onwards to war!
(instrumental)

OUTRO VERSE
(shout) Don’t let this slip,
Stand valiant and triumphant,
Cleanse the world of fear and death,
(instrumental)

(shout) Onwards to war!
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I also found it good to think up some band names for us. I have some suggestions:

Drop Dead Cassanova, Psycho Romeo, Overkill'd, Lost Causes

Feel free to comment and criticise, and throw in some other suggestions/improvements if you wish.

Really cool! And I like the name "Lost Causes!"

I like the lyrics of the song, but without sound, their just words to me and ...

R1CK1 wrote:Light the fuse, I’m a rocket and I’m ready to go.

Sounds a bit like Zebrahead's His World

R1CK1 wrote:Drop Dead Cassanova, Psycho Romeo, Overkill'd, Lost Causes

Feel free to comment and criticise, and throw in some other suggestions/improvements if you wish.

I, personally, don't like any of these band names. They sound more like song names to me.
How about Rutty Routine? Try finding a random word generator, and find a adjective you don't hear too often, and put it in front of a common noun. Example? Linkin+park, dragon+force, zebra+head, etc.
Or, use initials. Can't think of initials? Find a translator, put in a phrase and make the language it turns into latin, and use that. I don't know an example of one band that did the latin thing, but AFI has initials.

I have heeded Nayiks advice in trying to make up some more band names:

Para Bellum (Prepare for War in latin), AOTC (Alibi Of The Carnage), Trumpet Violet

IMO Alibi of the Carnage is by far the best I've come up with. Feel free to criticise and comment again.

Hmm... I really like Para Bellum.

Para Bellum = PWN

That line from HiS Workd, aren't u gonna change it?

Not sure. I realise it is taken from Zebrahead. but with the rhythms I have in mind, it kinda fits well. Plus I'm sure there are other examples of this.
I'll have a look but I wasn't planning on changing it.